So I think your paper is still in view only mode but here are my comments:
In the paragraph starting: “The facts surrounding the documentary Super Size Me” check your facts about obesity, as well as the fact you have 2 sentences next to each other that say the same thing. Obesity in the US is more like 35% which is different from the percentage of the population which is overweight, which is over 60%. Overall I really liked your essay. It is pertinent to the audience which is very important and nutrition is one of my favorite subjects as well so I enjoyed reading it.
So I think your paper is still in view only mode but here are my comments:
ReplyDeleteIn the paragraph starting: “The facts surrounding the documentary Super Size Me” check your facts about obesity, as well as the fact you have 2 sentences next to each other that say the same thing. Obesity in the US is more like 35% which is different from the percentage of the population which is overweight, which is over 60%.
Overall I really liked your essay. It is pertinent to the audience which is very important and nutrition is one of my favorite subjects as well so I enjoyed reading it.